My oldest daughter has taken up crying in the morning before school because 'she will miss me.' She doesn't do it every day and if I am being honest sometimes I wonder if she is just trying to manipulate me.
I, of course, want the tears to be because she truly would rather be with me than at school BUT I also want her to be independent, have fun, and enjoy school.
We moved in January, so half way through the school year we switched schools. During the first semester my oldest 3 children when to public school. No one, including this same daughter, cried about going to school. If fact, I think her old teacher was so much fun and even favored her so much because this teacher had also adopted from Foster care herself, that she got used to every day being a party and feeling 'special' every day.
After we moved we decided to home school our two oldest boys for the rest of the year. I decided to transfer my oldest daughter to the public school where we moved to and also enrolled Lizzie in school because home schooling her was not working for her in the way I hoped it would. Lizzie has also had at least one day where she cried because she would 'miss me' while she was at school.
Over all, Lizzie has done beautifully. She manages to hold things together at school and doesn't get in much trouble, but as the teachers will tell you,she is harder to deal with than an average child. She has learned much more in school than she was with me at home. She is receiving special services and they are benefitting her. Unfortunately, as I assumed, she comes home every evening and has to spill out all the bad behavior that she was holding in all day. She also likes to say and do every negative thing that she sees other children doing at school. That has been kinda hard, but we expected it so we try to be flexible and work throught it with her as best as we can.
Yesterday I went with my oldest daughter to a field trip to the zoo. We had a great day. She was paired up with a classmate who did not have a parent come with them and the two girls had a great time together.
I am thinking that our great day yesterday is what brought on the tears this morning. I can't tell you how much I want to send the bus away without them when they cry, but that doesn't help really because it all just starts over the next day. My husband and I take turns getting the girls off to school in the morning. They never do this to him because they know it won't get them anywhere.
After today they only have one more day of school. I am very happy to have a break from it!
2 comments:
Hang in. Yes, the crying about going to school is upsetting but they really are 'trying it out' and seeing if they can manipulate the situation. You are doing the right thing by sending them along anyway. My bio children tried it out too ~ so it is not all about adoption and trauma.
It doesn't help in the minute, but knowing that children often act out at home not at school is because home is safe...and school is less known and sometimes different peer and adult pressures, is important. That you are just keeping on breathing is key and a win. Celebrate that you really are achieving wonderful goodness for your children. Their adulthood will be better because of what you are doing today.
Children from trauma places have a lot to work through and they keep working it through in each developmental stage. You clearly have a gift in seeing each child's needs separately and it is amazing with the number and spread of children that you are raising that you can homeschool at all.
I am impressed by what you are doing and appreciative because you are improving the world's future and doing that is very hard.
Hopefully the summer in a new house/location will filled with laughter and joys.
It is tricky parenting hurt children. It is hard to know where their emotions are coming from but as their mommy you will get a gut feeling... just go with it. Glad school is almost out. A fresh start in the fall will be good for all. :)
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