Thursday, August 1, 2013

Part two.

After the first night that Sabrina spent the night i didnt really have a plan for Saturday.  The kids played all morning and I finally gathered myself and the babies up and took the kids to the park.  Lest i sound like Wonder Woman, my husband came with us as well.
The kids loved the park.  Dark clouds started to roll in and instead of leaving we told the kids we would just hang out under an over hang and wait until it passed.  It ended up raining much longer than we thought it would so we ran to the car and Went home. The kids were drenched so we changed their clothes and hung out at home until dinner time.  We took them to McDonald's and let them play at the playplace.  We got lots of stares.  Apparently eight kids look like a lot.  After that, we went home and the kids jumped on the wet trampoline.  They got soaked again and Sabrina said "I always wanted to jump on a trampoline!"  The day was filled with lots of fun memories and lots of wet clothes.  Sabrina was sure that she wanted to spend the night again so she did.  We had no issue at night.  We put the kids to bed at 11 pm (which is still way too late) and everything went well.
The plan for the next day was to go to church as usual and then go to my mom's house.  It was my mom's birthday.  Sabrina didnt seem to recognize my parents or my husband's parents BUT when my sister arrived at my mom's house Sabrina ran up to her and gave her a big hug.  She hadn't seen her since her last day in our home.  I was surprise, but happy, that she remembered her.
3pm came all too soon and it was time for us to take Sabrina back to her mom's house.  I told my husband that I wanted to be the one to drop her off so I packed up my one year old and Sabrina and drove her home.  My husband took the rest of the kids home.
On the way to Sabrina's house my one year old fell asleep which was nice because Sabrina and I finally had time to talk.  She talked about school (which is going well) and talked about how she worries that her grandmother is going to die (she gets that from her mom, her mom talks about that alot.  Grandma is their only source of income and has gotten sick a few times over the past couples years).  I don't know why I said it, but I told Sabrina that I was glad she gets to live with her mom.  Well, I do know why I said it.  I want her to be with her mom if that is where she wants to be and if it is safe.  She didnt say much so I said, "are you happy to be living with your mom?"  She said, "yes, because I love her and grandma and that is where I belong....but I feel like I belong with you too."

I wasn't expecting that.  It was like everything i feared and hoped for collided.  I want her to be happy.  I want her to be happy living where she has to.  But, I think I wanted to ignore the fact that she loved me as much as I loved her.  There is something there that made my Sabrina bug her mom until after eight months of silence she finally gave in and let me back in her life.  On my end i did nothing.  I never contacted mom.  I waited and prayed and cried.  And then God gave me my first daughter back.

It isn't the way i wanted it, but had God given me what I wanted back then i wouldn't have what I have now.  I still want better for Sabrina than what she is living right now.  But, God has a plan.  I don't have to know all the details in order to trust that HE knows what HE is doing.


Cindie Bass said...

your heart is huge and you write well how you are feeling. I felt your emotion thru your words. What a very special young lady, and what a joy that she is still allowed in your life <3

Hope L said...

Seriously, as I count down the days until my kids go home, I love hearing this story, it gives me hope!

Also, reminds me of this verse:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Diane said...

Amen. Thanks for sharing. Your story and mine have a lot of parallels. Not what we planned, but much better than it could have been, and much more in the process. Keep trusting God. I have to continually tell myself that only He knows the whole plan!

Deb said...

Oh my goodness, my heart would have broken hearing that for sure.
So glad the visit went well, hope there is another one planned soon.

Aspiring Foster Mama said...

Oh. My. Heart. Wow.

algenina said...

Just read your entire blog...from 2010 till this one...just wanted to say I have so much respect for you. Thanks for sharing everything that you have. Your children are the lucky ones to get a foster (adoptive) family that truly cares enough to love each one, even with potential of heartbreak.