Thursday, February 11, 2016

Surving or Thriving, depends on the day or how you look at it

I felt compelled to blog because of something that happened today.
There have been so many things, but this.  This is big.

One of our kids has been peeing and lying for months.  She has been acting like the poster child for RAD and it has been hard!!!

She has stolen.

Lied.

Peed.

Hid pee.

And then was hurting the babies!

As you can imagine, we were at our wits end.

You want to know an ugly truth?  We have even discussed finding a new family for her.

That is how bad it was.

So, about three weeks ago the pee stopped.  I have no idea why.  It just stopped.  When the pee stopped the lying became unnecessary.  And obviously if there is no pee, there is no pee to hide.

Interesting.

The wedge that had been built between us parents and this child was huge.  Some days it felt like a brick wall.  We kept trying and some days she would tolerate us, but still.


So, the pee stops.

We start connecting.

We aren't at odds every second of every day anymore.

We start to tolerate each other.  We start smiling again.

It's so hard to explain if you are not living it, but all I can say is the wall began to crumble.  The catch was that my wall was crumbling way faster than my husband's.  I was worried his was too solid.

And then today husband and said child were playing together.  They were laughing together.  They were touching each other.  Smiling.  Laughing.

And as I saw it I heard God whisper, 'You know that one tiny prayer you said asking me to help him love her again?  This is the answer.'

I wish I could say that I prayed about it faithfully, but I didnt.  It was more of a worried whisper that I quickly shared with God.

Apparently He answers those kind of prayer too.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

What an amazing blessing.. Gods wonderful Grace

Annie said...

So happy for this new connection and growth <3 God bless you for persevering during those long months!

Pam H. said...
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Pam H. said...
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Diane said...

Praise the Lord for small (and large) successes. I hope things continue to progress in a positive direction. Hopefully this child is ready and willing to really connect!

Anonymous said...

Foster mom to sibling group of 5 here. The lying, the never ending lying, is the biggest barrier to connect and feel attached to these children. It's exhausting. I totally understand how you were feeling. I hope and pray one day I won't feel so overwhelmed and stop questioning accepting these poor kids.

Emma Williams said...

I was that poor kid at one point of time. I would lie and steal for no apparent reason so they thought. When I was 4 my dad was sleep on couch while me and my three-year-old brother were sitting there hungry. There was a Easter bunny chocolate inside of the cabinet right next to my father. I took a piece of the ear and gave some to my brother and we ate it. When my father woke up he's so bad because I was not allowed to touch that Easter Bunny the four year old child that I was I didn't know better I just know I was hungry and my brother was too. Fast forward to nine years old and 10 years old and 11 years old period to adulthood. I had a big problem with stealing home that I went it seemed like nobody could help me but nobody ever tried to figure out why I was. Stealing and lying in the first place. It goes back to when I was 4 years old Living With My Father starving and never could feel safe because he would always beat me so I would hide. There's always a story to each one of those children and you get the paperwork on them. About whatever may have happened in their past. But you would never be able to put yourself in those children shoes or in mind.

Emma Williams said...

I was that poor kid at one point of time. I would lie and steal for no apparent reason so they thought. When I was 4 my dad was sleep on couch while me and my three-year-old brother were sitting there hungry. There was a Easter bunny chocolate inside of the cabinet right next to my father. I took a piece of the ear and gave some to my brother and we ate it. When my father woke up he's so bad because I was not allowed to touch that Easter Bunny the four year old child that I was I didn't know better I just know I was hungry and my brother was too. Fast forward to nine years old and 10 years old and 11 years old period to adulthood. I had a big problem with stealing home that I went it seemed like nobody could help me but nobody ever tried to figure out why I was. Stealing and lying in the first place. It goes back to when I was 4 years old Living With My Father starving and never could feel safe because he would always beat me so I would hide. There's always a story to each one of those children and you get the paperwork on them. About whatever may have happened in their past. But you would never be able to put yourself in those children shoes or in mind.

Anonymous said...

This brings tears of joy to my eyes!! Love to hear the bonding finally happening and the walls crumbling!! And brings to mind your necklace Mama Foster "Expect Miracles"
God is SO good. Sometimes we just need a little more patience(as hard as that can be). Its all in Gods timing right?
Love this! Thank you for sharing!
AND Emma Williams...THANK YOU FOR SHARING!! I think it is rare to hear a foster childs real life perspective and any glimpse into the minds of these children helps exponentially in how to parent them.